It’s obvious how the Body realm shows up in our sex lives, of course. This is a primary focus of our clinical work.
But what about in our business? If we were walking the MEBES Wheel together to evaluate where you’re stuck in business, we might discover how much stress and tension you’re holding in your body.
These are dark times, and if you’re like me, you are an empath who feels everything going on in the world and you take it in.
This can have a serious impact on your body. And on your sex life. And in your business.
You may be experiencing fatigue, tight muscles, weight loss or weight gain. You may have lost your sexual appetite.
And those sleepless nights spent worrying about your money flow, how to get more clients in, how to take care of all the little things constantly pulling at your attention…all of that contributes to your sense of overwhelm and your body’s stress response.
You might even be dealing with a serious health condition caused or exacerbated by stress!
It’s time to find methods to protect yourself. You need to figure out how to implement Extreme Self Care. And it’s absolutely essential for you to develop a support system of like-minded, like-hearted peers who will encourage you to take care of yourself.
You know how airplane attendants instruct you to use an oxygen mask on yourself first in the event of cabin depressurization—BEFORE helping anyone else, including your child? This is because if you pass out, you’ll be of no help to anyone.
The same is true in all aspects of your life. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Britton’s High Achievers Mastermind will help you learn your own Extreme Self Care regimen and how to integrate it into your life. And the support system you’ll gain will ensure you can prevent physical burnout and the negative health consequences of long-term stress.
Plus you’ll be empowered to show up for your clients as your best self, which allows you to support them in embracing their best self.
But let’s go ahead and finish our journey around the MEBES Wheel. Our next video will introduce you to both the Energy and Spirit realms, where so much magic can happen!
Check it out:
Video #5: Energy and Spirit
Hi, we’re back again. I’m Dr. Patti. Here to present the last two parts in my series on the MEBES Signature system, which describes the five parts of the sexual self. Those two last parts are Energy and Spirit. Honestly, they are my favorites to talk about. The aspects of energy and spirit are the elements of the MEBES model that differs from most other bio-psychosocial treatment models used in sex therapy. I love to teach them as a circular figure, to show the power and role that energy provides in client work—both in assessment and in crafting action steps to move the client forward toward their goals.
In MEBES shown as a wheel, energy is in the center. Energy runs everything! Energy is also the aspect of clinical sexological work where you as the clinician get to observe—and at times feel—if and where energy is stuck or in active flow for your client. You can see the energy as a depressive effect, for example, and as an activation for expression of all kinds. I often hear clinicians approach energy as a diagnostic tool, such as to diagnose depression, intense grief, or anxiety states.
Energy can be palpable—either a frozen body or an overly active one. Energy is akin to the body’s electricity, sustaining the life force within a person. Observe your client: Are they present? Are they engaged? Are they disconnected? Are they nervous? What body language is it that they are exhibiting, such as a clenched jaw or fist? How do they carry or comport themselves as they move around? Often as a clinician, you can sense energy between the persons in a couple or polycule. You can also see energy shifts during a session as you provide psycho-education, process the client, and conduct all the beautiful parts of clinical work in your sessions. Energy ultimately is that invisible force that ignites, drives, sustains, or kills off the life force within your client.
Spirit is the essence of self. I love to describe spirit as the little blue flame—like the pilot light under the burner of your gas stove or heater. Many of my cherished clients come to see me because they feel erotically empty or sexually dead. Their little blue flame has gone out—or so they feel. Client work often entails showing them ways to grow that flame and reboot their erotic and sexual selves. Spirit is the true self, the authentic self that resides deep inside the client. There are times when it may show up as the buried or “lost” self. Maybe it is in the form of wildness, like a fierce wild animal, or an archetype like the harlot, or a lingering softness or even deadness. Whatever it is, help clients to re-discover or uncover that essence and guide them with how to light it up.
Spirit is also an optional pathway for honoring the sacred aspects of the sexual self. I sometimes coach a client to engage in masturbation, as a sacred act of self-love. You can think about whether your clients are open to sacred spiritual explorations—such as the paths of Tantra, jade eggs, shamanic journeying, or even specific ancient practices to open up this aspect of the sexual self.
As I write in The Art of Sex Coaching, one of my clients was a perfect example of the sacred and the spirit part of the MEBES system: she felt erotically and sexually dead and faked orgasm with her new lover, even though in real life she appeared to be a highly sexual person. In our work together, her left-brain dialogue with me left us wanting to go deeper into another part of her sexuality, her sexual story, and her sexual desires. In eliciting right-brain responses, I was able to ask her where her wildness lived inside of her, that aspect of her spirit that needed to be released and unleashed.
As we spoke, I intuited that there might be a lone wolf living inside of her. When I mentioned that option she looked across the room at me, lifted her bare right foot, and pointed it at me to reveal the tattooed outline of a wolf. She opened her blue eyes wide, leaned in closer and shrieked at me, “Dr. Patti, you got me!” That was the beginning of our real work together focusing on her true spirit. And liberating her orgasms once and for all!
I hope you have enjoyed learning about the MEBES signature system in these 5 lessons.